In the past two days there were two instances of assault and murder of two young women by disgruntled lovers. Till about ten to twenty years back there were not much “love” between boys and girls both in schools, colleges and workplaces. Everybody accepted their location in the society and agreed their mothers to choose their spouses. Even though there was Agananuru and other love poetry in Tamil I think there was not much “LOVE” in the middle class society in Tamil country. Only recently due to the influence of movies both foreign and Indian and increase of Tv serials and also books Tamil boys have come to know of “LOVE”. But they are still followers of chauvinistic Tamil society where MAN is the higher being and WOMAN is lower being to serve MAN. The already educated sub sect of society and newly educated liberated sections of society came to know of LOVE. But they have not liberated themselves of sexist chauvinism of the society. The MAN thinks that once he likes (loves??) a WOMAN she immediately becomes his property (ennudiya pon). It does not matter at all whether the WOMAN agrees to his wooing. WOMAN”s acceptance or otherwise is not relevant to him. More so if WOMAN first agrees to his proposal and later rejects him, it is an INSULT TO HIS MANLINESS. Woman is a property and if the property is taken by anybody else murder is only the solution. It is worse in the case of married couple. If wife wants a divorce the man thinks it is again an insult to him. He is not able to understand women have a right to accept or reject an offer and even if she accepts first she has the right to change her mind. This clearly shows that Tamil society and culture is not something great. Our culture is as bad as some other culture though every culture may have some good and many bad points. That is why I am amused when an Indian finds an American or westerner follows our culture and habits (eating with their hands) we are greatly thrilled and feels that our culture is very great (IT IS NOT). Let us not cheat ourselves of the greatness of culture.
Only solution is that both boys and girls must be taught even from their childhood that what LOVE is and means and how not only to love but also to respect each other. The present elders are not fit for this job because they are the culprits. Have you ever heard of a mother ever accepting that her son was in fault (except in ancient poetry). Tamil society has to learn lots of things.